Captain Beefheart is pretty much the tops. If you need proof, you need look no further than his timeless classic "Tropical Hot Dog Night". Do it. Google the lyrics right now and tell me I'm wrong. You can't. Because I'm not.

My old friend dispatch reminded me just now that its been two years since ODB died. For those of you not in the know thats Ol' Dirty Bastard, my favorite rapper of all time. He died an early death, which tends to happen when you smoke crack and drink forties. You die. But, he lived how he wanted, and most people can't say that. His first album, "Return to the 36 Chambers" really blew up my idea of what rap was and could be. Too bad there isnt anyone around these days that can hold a candle to him. But then again, ODB himself never really regained the form he had on that first record. Best rap album ever.

Thats right, I figured out how to get back at my blog...In your face universe!!!

Now lets see, whats happened in the last six months? Iraq still sucks, Mel Gibson is a real character, ditto for Kimmy Jong-Il, and there is an election down south tonight. Thats right. Nicaragua is electing an ex-marxist. Thats kinda cool.
I've worked on a couple of shows, and a movie, standard stuff. The NoFX show was an unmitigated disaster ( no details forthcoming, screw you universe) Van Damme pictures have become significantly less funny, Korean Elvis impersonators more so, and Lake Titicaca remains the gold standard for funny lake names. thats all for now. Stay tuned for an in-depth review of the American cinematic masterpiece, Death Wish 3.

Ah hell I'll review it now: in the last scene Charles Bronson quick draws a bazooka on a guy who's like 6 feet away from him and doesnt even mess his hair when he turns the guy into a pile of burning rags. Worth watching for the body count and the almost un-imaginably bad costumes and make-up. You know a movie has some shitty make-up when I comment on it. So, on a scale of 1 to 10 where 1 is Silent Night, Bloody Night and 10 is C.H.U.D. , this movie receives a 5.73, the equivalent of Slugs (the original). Hope that clears everything up.