So, a quick gambling update. Yesterday, I made some good calls and one bad one, and came out on top. Based on some recent pitching performances, I took Gil Meche's K.C. Royals against Pettitte and the Yanks, in New York no less, but I only put a fin on it. Still it paid +180 so that was a good hit. I put a couple bucks on the over in that one, and didn't quite make it, but still made out ok on the game. I also took the underdog Orioles on the road against the Tigers in Detroit.It was Waters against one of the Tigers aces' from last year, Nate Robertson, who has been barely mediocre so far this season. Both the Tigers and the Yanks have been playing like shit, seemingly in a daze, as if they can't believe that they're both pretty much out of the playoffs. Keep hitting the underdogs against 'em. I had a couple bets on the Jays/Sox in Fenway, but it got rained out.

Now for my mistake. Riding high off my perfect day the day before, I broke one of my own rules, and made a parley bet without hitting the games individually. So I hit two of three and got nothing back. I took the Indians at home against the Angels, where Cliff Lee pitched a beautiful game for the Tribe, and Tampa Bay to whip the Rangers, who I suspect would have trouble pitching against most AAA teams. Unfortunately, I tacked on Atlanta to beat the Giants, and while the Braves had the home field advantage and their ace on the mound, they couldn't manage more than 1 run, and the bullpen shat the bed in the 8th anyways. A truly humiliating loss for the Braves, who won't get much better opportunities to claim a badly needed win. The entire S.F. infield has less than a year of pro experience combined, and Jair Jurrjens put together a 7 inning, 9 strikeout, no walk, 2 run performance for the inept Braves. The only bright spot for Atlanta this year has been the play of Chipper Jones, but how much longer will he keep playing for such a dumpy, non-competitive team?

The lesson from all this? Bet on a good pitcher sure, but only when it looks like the run support is there.

As for today. I have three single bets for the afternoon games, which I have also parlayed, making a kind of round robin bet. I have the Angels today with 9-2 John Lackey on the mound, against the 5-4 Fausto Carmona, who's era over the last 10 games is over 6. Look for the angels hitters to hit the Indians early and hard. Next are the White Sox in Oakland against the A's, with the sharp looking John Danks on the mound for the Sox and the inconsistent Greg Smith pitching for the Athletics. In Smith's last start, he lasted only 4 and 2/3 innings, walking 7 while striking out only 2. Now for my last pick, I'm going against something I said earlier in this very update, and I'm taking the Yankees against the Royals, and I'll tell you why. Greinke, today's starter for the Royals was on the mound the last time they lost to the Yanks, and the Yankees starter Ponson won his last time up against K.C., and even though he was starting for the Rangers, it was this season. Also, ahlf the Yankees roster has hit about .500 against Greinke, who has a history of getting knocked around in Yankee Stadium.

The bets pay as follows:

LA Angels Lackey -145
Chi Sox Danks -140
NYY Ponson -180

And the parley pays +351

All Hail Gamblor. Updates to follow this aft.

Oh my. Yesterday was a nice sports day. I made 5 bets. I took Galarraga and the Tigers to stop the Jays, a parley with Ted Lilly and the Cubs to beat the Braves with Moehler and the 'Stros to take down the flailing Giants. For later in the day I took Daisuke and the Sox giving up 1.5 runs at -150 against the Rangers and some guy with an ERA of about 10. On the football side, I snagged an over of 33 in the Steelers/Bills contest at the Rogers Center, and I took the home team Philadelphia to cover a 3 point spread against the perennially boring Carolina Panthers. Guess how I did? Thats right; 5 for 5. The perfect gambling day. Now, I didnt make much money, but thats because I keep the stakes low. Why? Because in reality I don't know shit about betting baseball, and betting big on pre-season football is for real dyed in the wool degenerate gamblers, or the terminally ill, who may not make it into that magical period of gambling that starts in september and runs clear through to the end of March, with the NCAA basketball tournament conclusion.

This time of year is bitter-sweet as well, as it makes me think of Hunter Thompson, and his unfortunate demise. But I also think of the many excellent things he wrote about gambling on football, and sports in general. I believe it was a Hunter Thompson column that suggested that the finest thing a man could do with his life is to become a professional gambler. That notion has always stuck with me, even it was just one rambling thought among thousands. Gambling is a very pure thing. It is one's intellect pitted against chance, the infinite variables sorting themselves out with every second of every game, absolutely mercilessly. Just as a person is missing out on a truly life altering experience by not trying acid, a person missies out by never having won (or lost) a good chunk of money by sheer stroke of good (or bad) luck when all sane planning has gone out the window. So gamble, and know the feeling of winning a 5 game parley bet, and know the feeling of busting on your under by a half point on a meaningless free throw with half a second left to play. Make a bet on a sport you know nothing about. Pick a golfer on thursday, put down your money, and cheer for your bet. Win or lose, you'll be a better person.

And finally, here are a couple of fatigue induced futures bets on made on the upcoming NFL season.

Divisional champs:
New England AFC East -1000
Minnesota NFC North +140
New Orleans NFC South +120
Seattle NFC West -120

That bet I put a tenner on, and it pays 108.31

This is a bet on team win totals over under style
Arizona Cardinals under 8 -125
Denver Broncos over 7.5 -175
Green Bay Packers under 8 +120
Indianapolis Colts over 11.5 +110
Minnesota Vikings over 8.5 -139
New Orleans Saints over 8.5 -200

That bet I also put a tenner on, and it pays 336.85

Well, that's it for now. I think I may post some more bets as I make 'em today. Now go out and put down abet, and if you don't know how, give me a call. We'll fix you right up.

In case any among you needed more reasons never to eat at Burger King and its ilk, check out this pic. This is some greasy skell washing himself in the sink at an American Burger King. Yes, he's an employee, and yes, he is naked. If this shitbird hadn't made a video and posted it online, no-one would have known. Gross!

Just in case anyone is wondering, I got 5 bucks on China to take the gold in mens Olympic basketball. Is that a retarted bet? Well just look at this simple motherfucker and you'll know the answer, but at 50-1, who gives a shit? i mean, the guy is like 12 feet tall, and I expect this to be the most crooked olympics in history. Shit, we might get to see some journalists get machine gunned yet. Who knows?

I thought I'd put up some pictures of the dog, in case anybody wanted to copy em. Here's most of what I have.

Oh shit, its been a whole year since I posted on this fucker. I guess not much has happened. Well thats not really true. I've moved twice since then, my dog died, and I joined a union. I'm practically a communist. And i get a discount at Marks Work Warehouse. Sweet, no?

So I saw pineapple express today and apart from my own atrocious body odour (sry Dr. Lance), some solo weirdo making duck noises, and an inability to smoke weed in the theatre, it was fuckin great. Oh yeah, and some uncomfortably close parallels between myself and one of the two characters pictured here. Those who know me will do some extra laughing no doubt. Very funny, good story, and not a trite "up with pot" kind of weed movie. Lots of obviously improvised lines made it in, most with good effect. Rogen, Franco, and the wicked Danny R. McBride have great screen chemistry. They star in one of the funniest brawls I have ever seen put to film. And on with the rankings. On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being "Van Wilder 2: The Rise of Taj", and a 10 being "Caddyshack", this film comes in with a very strong 8.84 or the rough equivalent of "Friday".